Holidays, bleh

Holidays.It’s a good thing I still have a little one at home, or I would probably banish holidays from my house and spend that time curled up in a ball. I’m so far away from family. I am having a really really hard time this year. My little one is so excited for Thanksgiving and Christmas! When I think back to just a couple year’s ago, when she did not understand holidays at all, how far she has come, I am so very very proud of her. So many people take things with their children for granted. I do not.They may not realize that they do, but when you have gone through what we have with her, you appreciate things on a whole different level. I remember the days of using sign language with her. never knowing if she would talk so we could understand her. The screaming, probably out of frustration when we couldn’t figure out what she wanted, and resorted to “show me” and pointing. Behaviors that we did not understand. And then last year, at age 7, FINALLY, a diagnosis, with what I knew in my heart. And no, our life did not change, she is still the little ray of sunshine in our lives she always was. But now we knew for sure WHY. I do not want this blog to just be about her autism, because there is so much more to my life than that. But it plays a big part of my life every day. It’s part of who I am now, an autism mom. And that’s okay 🙂

 

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So you probably read the title wrong, LOL

If you read “life in prison”, think again! It was done purposely; life is good or bad, depending how you look at it. Kind of like a prism. sometimes having a child with autism feels like you are in prison, because it is so isolating. Unless you live with it, you really have no idea what it is like. A major roller coaster ride, let me tell you. But if you choose how you are going to look at it, or if you look at it from a different angle, the whole picture changes. Like a prism. It’s your choice. And I choose to look at the positive. Because being negative never helped anything. Having my daughter has made me a better person; more compassionate, understanding, PATIENT. Well, most of the time 🙂 The quirkiness of it, the mere pleasure in looking at the world through my daughter’s eyes, brightens most of my days. Sometimes I would rather be in her world instead of the “real” world, because the real world sucks sometimes.

Just yesterday, I was watching Michael Jackson videos with her, I thought she would like his music. Maybe get her up dancing with me. She just sat there, totally engrossed in his videos, then said ” That girl can dance really good!” I told her that was not a girl, and she argued with me, and said” They have a girl face, so it’s a girl!” LOL Then she continued watching more videos of him, scrutinizing the videos, I could see her looking at his face, not believing me that it was a man. And she didn’t get up and dance like I hoped, but we had fun anyways. It ws good to share, “old music” from my youth with her. Gosh I love that child 🙂